I wrote this half cynical, half seriously bummed out…figured I would just let it go.

We have all had “those” nights. The night where it doesn’t quite click, the groove is off, the vibe of the room isn’t quite there. An equation for a mediocre performance that equal parts “audience not getting it, or interested” and “the right feeling happening between the players”. Shit happens, we play through the pain as best as we can, dust our fretboards off and we head home to play another day. But something that is always intriguing to me is the audience at those shows. Perhaps its of my own doing. When I come off of a really fantastic gig where everything works the stage time flies by. Whether its 45 minutes or 3 hours, it feels like the night lasted 5 minutes and those 5 minutes were incredible. I don’t pay attention to the crowd, I just play and focus on what is happening on stage. One may argue, well you have to engage the audience…that’s what banter is for. I find it much more enjoyable to watch a group on stage that are simply in it together than a singer giving “F Me” eyes at the cutest chick at the bar and the guitarist focusing more on the painful looking faces he is making that his solos and the rhythm section. So anyway…here is my take at “the people at the bar gig”:

-The Music Aficion-Bro: “hey bro, what’s that little guitar that you are playing? I think a dude from Jason Aldean’s band played one once! Yeah! Beer Me!” The guy who thinks he knows so much about music and taste because he is out at a small bar focused on roots music but would rather be at that Toby Keith’s eyesore drinking beer from mason jars. This guy is the worst at a listening venue. He is a boistrous ball of testosterone, dropping beer bottles, laughing hysterically at his own jokes, and generally making everyone uncomfortable. He then comes up to you in between sets to say how much he loves your music (though he wasn’t listening) and to see if you know that Darius Rucker song…you know the one…the one he didn’t actually write. Also, does not tip.

-The Bachelorette/Birthday/Girls Night party: They just stumbled into this bar because it was the first one outside of the cab or train station. Again, like the “bro” loud and don’t give a shit about your music unless you play something they know. They are having so much fun and want you to know it by screaming “I AM HAVING SO MUCH FUN” as loud as they can. Be ready for requests. On the upswing, there are usually a lot of them, so they at least fill the room…on the downswing, the more there are the more noise they make.

 -The Old Timer: This guy has been coming to this bar forever. He owns this f*cking place as far as he is concerned and his only concern is you aren’t concerned with what he is doing, unless he is telling a story, then you better be concerned. He will also knock into your gear and not pick it up. Usually seen in a tweed jacket and wears a silly cap. Remembers the 70s fondly, and how it was much better than today for music…directly insulting you as a result.

-The Basket Case: Basket…as in “put the lotion in the basket” case. Sits at the end of the bar shooting eyes and fidgiting strangely. Keeps staring at you. Bartender purposely avoids that end of the bar. Typically inebriated. Be careful when the end of the night comes because they are likely going to corner you and ask you for a ride home, or maybe to come home with them…to be chained in their basement…forever.

-The Musician: Quiet, reserved, occasionally smiles, nods their head to the groove. Claps when appropriate The best person at the bar.

-The Overenthusiastic Music Lover: Enthusiastic, makes you feel good, except when they begin to clap off time and screw you up. They think everything you do is amazing and if you are ego driven, it may start to wear off on you. They play guitar, but just at home in their living room…and secretly want you to ask them up to play a song. Sit in the front of the room, may have a camera out at all times. Still, they are there to listen and support. We need these people and they rule.

-The Music Lover (regular enthusiasm): Genuine, awesome, take photos/videos in a respectful and un-intrusive manner. Will buy you a beer after your set or actually buy CDs at shows. Correction…the best person at the bar.

-The Bartender: This can go both ways. One type could give a shit about you. Will not cater to your drink orders, you come last, you are the entertainment and probably tip shitty. The other, I prefer to focus on, is f*cking awesome. Knows what you need and how the board works if there are some issues when you are checking sound. Asks if you need a drink and will let you know to get in a food order before the kitchen closes. Hangs around after to just hang and talk shop. This person is the best, and you better take care of them.